When Our Heart Condemns us…
“Whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything” (1 John 3:20). I think this is one of the most important passages in all of the Bible, at least it is for me. I’m not speaking in hyperbole here either. In fact, I’m not sure I could be a Christian if this was not promised. I don’t think I would really have anywhere to stand without it. The funny thing is that I never really even paid much attention to it for most of my life, which is often the case. We don’t really care about something until it actually has an impact on us personally, until it has some sort of bearing on our own experience or felt need. Well, in my case, I did not even know it was there, but then one day when I really needed to hear it, God had me stumble over it. And I couldn’t believe I had never read it before.
The reason why this passage is absolutely essential to the Christian faith is because it addresses the crux of the issue for human beings. It addresses our own hearts. I don’t know if you have read a lot of the Bible or any of it, but there are a lot of passages that talk about enemies or opposition or oppressive forces and most of the time they are external realities. They are outside of us coming against us. And it’s true, life is full of external forces that can cause great distress and pain in life. There are oppressive regimes all over the world that turn against their own people and their neighbors. Russia is an obvious example. Sudan as well. And China is making a lot of their neighbors nervous these days. There are also those who are out to cause harm to specific people groups simply because of hatred. Racism, sexism, and bigotry have sadly not diminished. They are indeed enemies. There are societal structures and prejudices that ostracize and hurt people. These external forces are real, and it is indeed good news that God is concerned and committed to deliver us from such forces. He is a God for justice.
At the same time, there is something more immediate than an external enemy, something more intimate and internal that oppresses and seeks to destroy…and that is my own heart. There are times when I can string together some of the cruelest things I have ever thought, and I direct them at myself. I have a heart that condemns me. Or, in other words, I struggle with shame. I know this doesn’t describe you at all, but maybe someone you know. The truth is that shame is evenly distributed across humanity, so much so that we have a cliché that articulates it: “You are your own harshest critic.” We don’t really need any help from the outside to see our faults, we have hearts that turn in on themselves. Just think of the first date that you went on and your inner monologue. You know, your talking about what kind of music you like or something, and you say “I really listen to everything except country,” and then they say Tim McGraw is their favorite singer, and then instead of just celebrating the differences between you, you instantly think to yourself, “I can’t believe I said that. I’m such an idiot!” The reason we do this is because we care about how it goes. We want it to go well. Relationships are common places where we feel shame.
But it might be something else. Everyone has a place in their life where you feel the opportunity for shame more often than others. The funny thing is that it is usually in some area that you really love. It gets exaggerated there because, like in dating, you really care about it, and you really want to do well. SO, if something doesn’t go as planned the internal shaming begins.
For me this is true of a lot of things, but probably none more than with music. I love music. I love writing it. I love playing it. I just love music. At the same time, I have rarely felt more fear or hesitancy in my life than when I started to play in front of people. This is true with any kind of creative expression. When you share it with someone it feels like one of the most vulnerable things you can do. You’re opening yourself up. To their opinions…to their judgment. Most of the time we usually beat everyone else to the punch. We are busy judging ourselves before anyone else can say a word. When I play a song, especially one that I’ve written, in front of people I notice every little hiccup or mistake that I make. The funny thing is when I ask others their honest opinions of how it went they usually have not noticed any of the mistakes I have noticed. In fact, more often than not it went well from their perspectives. We all have areas like this. Areas where it hits close to home and where we are our own harshest critic.
The good news of this passage is the fact that God is greater than our hearts. No matter how much shame or condemnation we may feel in our hearts, John is telling us that God is greater. His opinion of us is greater than anyone else’s opinion, especially our own. It is the word that matters most, and it is the word that exposes the messages of shame, overturns them and calls them lies. God says, “You are not worthless. You are not an idiot. You are not a reject.” He says, “You are my child. You are my beloved.” Or, as in John’s gospel, “You are my sheep” (ch 10). And Jesus tells us that he is the good shepherd and he lays his life down for his sheep. As John says, “By this we know love, that he laid his life down for us” (1 John 3:16).
This is the verdict over us: we are worth dying for to save. Jesus tells us that we are worth more to him than his own life and that he chooses to lay down his life for us, his sheep. No shameful or condemning message from our hearts can stand in the face of such love. That is what he wants us to hear today…because he has loved us in this way we can combat the messages of shame with the truth of God’s acceptance, love and forgiveness.
Now you still may be doubting. You may think that this is too good to be true, and you may not be ready to put your trust in such a promise. Our experiences often testify to the fact that such a love is very hard to come by, if it exists at all. That’s why I love the final part of our verse today. “He knows everything” – this is a key statement from John especially when we are dealing with shame. Most often shame prevents us from being fully honest in our relationships. We think, “If he knew that about me, he would leave me.” Or “If she found out about this secret she’d never forgive me.” Shame causes us to hide. Our condemning hearts tell us that there’s no way we could be accepted for who we really are warts and all. So we put up the façade and attempt to not get found out.
Crumbling facades can be quite beautiful:)
This brings me back to the beginning when I said that I stumbled upon this passage when I really needed it. About a dozen years ago now after just moving back to Pittsburgh from New York City, Kate and I lost a baby to a miscarriage. It was the second one in as many years. We were devastated, but we didn’t know how to grieve the loss together. Over 7 or so years of marriage at that point we had fallen into a pattern of trying to be the superhero versions of ourselves for each other. We loved each other very much, but we did not know how to truly be vulnerable with each other because the internal shame made us afraid of rejection. SO we hid our feelings from each other when we thought they would be poorly received. Kate didn’t want to seem nagging or needy, and I didn’t want to seem incapable or unsteady. This all came crashing down in the face of real loss. We realized that our communication had a big gap in it that had been there for quite some time. Through the help of counseling we both learned a lot about how our individual internal messages of shame and condemnation prevented us from being truly vulnerable.
When I read this verse in that context it brought the truth of love and forgiveness home in way that I had never known before. It tells us that God already knows everything. We cannot hide anything from Him. He already knows all of our struggles, all of our shortcomings, all of the secrets that maybe no one else on earth knows. He knows everything, and he still willingly lays down his life for us. Isn’t that the most amazing thing you have ever heard?! We don’t have to hide any more. We can actually start to be honest about who we are. The façade can come down because Jesus already knows it all, and he has already chosen to die for us and rise again. This is freedom. This is why I think this verse is so crucial to being a Christian. It silences all the doubt. It removes the fear. It removes the shame. It completely changes our reality. It says we are fully known and fully loved. There are no conditions on this love because Jesus has removed them all by giving up his life for ours and rising again proving his power over everything even death. He has the authority to lay down his life and the authority to take it up again. And he has done this for you.
“Whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.” Amen.
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