Meeting at the Playground
Today we begin a new series of posts called “Meeting at the Playground.” We want to talk about how God uses play in our lives. No matter who you are or what you do for a living you play in some way shape or form. Perhaps you work in the high-pressure world of finance and you’re thinking to yourself, “Yeah, right...play. I don’t have any time for playing.” But then you love to cook. That’s your playground. Or maybe you’re a doctor or nurse and are completely exhausted from the past two years and can barely keep your kids’ names straight let alone have the energy to play hide and seek, but you love going for bike rides on the weekend. That’s your playground. And maybe you’re just a kid who loves the literal playground. Whatever your work or profession may be, where do you go and what do you do just because you want to? That thing you simply enjoy, that gives you life, helps you recharge? That’s your playground.
I’m sure you remember the playground from when you were a kid. There were a lot of good times, but as Rocky Balboa wisely said in Rocky VI (Yes, there are 6 Rocky’s and 3 Creed spinoffs too...you’ve got a lot of binge-watching to do) “[It] wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.”
A lot of serious business happened out on the playground. Friendships were birthed and broken, reputations made and destroyed, and basically a whole lot of drama...lots and lots of drama (also like Rocky😊). Play is a complex thing. Those playgrounds in our lives that are places of real joy are also places where we truly connect with ourselves. They create space for us and sometimes that reveals that we are hurting...maybe we’re not ok. We’re upset about something...an equally important revelation to feeling good. As we will see through these posts, play helps us process the full spectrum of emotions and experience. It is absolutely vital. Jack Nicholson’s character, Jack Torrance, from The Shining (scariest movie ever, by the way) wrote it best, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” We need play, otherwise we might all become homicidal maniacs...not to put too fine a point on it.
In short, play is part of God’s design, an incredibly important facet of life, which he uses profoundly in us to bring healing and integration.
Kate is going to get us started this week:
“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” -Plato (joyofquotes.com/play_quotes)
I never played with Barbies or dolls growing up. I was an animal lover. I would spend too long picking out stuffed-animals as birthday gifts for my friends because there was no greater toy-possession in my mind. I had cats. I rode horses. I loved my grandparents’ dog. I watched animal movies. Frances Ford Copola’s, The Black Stallion will always be my #1. Sean likes to summarize horse movies this way: “let’s see how long it takes for either the person to fall off the horse and get hurt or the horse to get hurt... and likely die.” He likes some and tolerates most. We own 10 of the best (yes, including sequels:).
Imagine my surprise when our daughters got into dolls! I wanted to dissuade it. I worried that the iconic Disney princess (Sleeping Beauty) reinforced a stereotypical view of femininity. They were objects to be rescued, helpless, physically skinny, facially symmetrical and always gorgeous. I knew moms who forbade their daughters from watching princess movies to try to protect them from the inevitable comparison to their own bodies and talents. We went to a birthday party where actors dressed up as Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and our oldest at 3 was hooked. I did not deny them dress-ups and dolls. Babysitters and friends gave them Barbies. They loved them! Barbie was well known for having feet so small that she could not stand and a waist and bone structure that idealized skinniness and a certain type of beauty. (Now that I think of it, isn’t every toy an idealization of the actual? Taxidermy aside... What stuffed-animal cat or dog is an exact replica? Who wants that?! We want animals without bones that we can squeeze to death without the obvious consequences, right?!). I was afraid they would not like themselves if they saw too much of something different than them. Looking back, their sense of value and worth never comes from the toy; it always comes from us (for a time) and ultimately their Heavenly Father.
I was afraid of this: I once ran a face-painting stand for a local fair when we ran our church in Pittsburgh. I had a little girl ask me to paint Cinderella on her face. I clarified,
“Do you want Cinderella on your cheek?”
“No,” she insisted. “I want you to paint Cinderella’s face all over my face so that I look like her.”
“Oh,” I admitted, “I can’t do that. I think you are far prettier than her anyway.”
We agreed to a crown on her forehead. I did not want our girls to ever feel that. I had too much.
I wanted to connect with our daughters. If these were the toys they gravitated to, then we would just meet them where they were. They saw stuffed animals—they didn’t care about them. This was their childhood so I’d meet them on their level. We noticed the dolls’ lack of human proportion and laughed. As we played together, they inserted their own warrior-wrestling hybrid personalities. These dolls were jumping-off characters, not confining ones. And, it was a phase. Now neither daughter would be caught dead in a dress. They’ve moved on to other play. However, they still use characters to process their own narrative. Now it’s more Star-Wars-Spy-kitty-wrestling... (somehow it works). They want to go wild yet feel safe, get lost while still home, go into their pretend world so they can explore the real one.
“When we treat children's play as seriously as it deserves, we are helping them feel the joy that's to be found in the creative spirit. It's the things we play with and the people who help us play that make a great difference in our lives.” - Fred Rogers (joyofquotes.com/play_quotes)
Rhyan was two and three quarters when her sister, Skylar was born. I noticed that every time Rhyan played with her dolls and toys, they all ended up dying in the game. As I realized this, I began to play with her in it. “Oh no, Elsa has died again! What happened? Can anyone bring her back to life?” Over and over, we played it. We began to laugh at the newest dead doll. She was grieving the loss of our family as we knew it. It was a good change, but every change - even good ones - involve loss. I needed to grieve too. She was my first everything as a mom. Everything about her wanted to connect with me and explore the world together. I was so honored by the gift of her to us. I will always treasure those years, just her and us. Yet, more importantly God used Rhyan’s play to reconnect us in our new life. I could have easily gotten sidetracked by the gift of our youngest, Skylar, and the hard work involved. But toddlers need to play; it is their “work.” Rhyan’s play tuned me to her grief and also my own. Her play connected us deeper in light of the change and loss. I have come to expect God to speak to me through our children, and through their play specifically. There were and are times when fatigue makes it hard. However, seeing God work through our children in play has made me expect him to speak to me, which makes play very interesting. As I see him using our children, I expect God to connect to me in my own play—taking off for a run, sitting down to paint, settling into my thoughts on the keyboard to share with you.
Former Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams suggests in his book on aesthetics, Grace and Necessity, that God was “at play” when made the world. He didn’t have to; he wanted to. The art he gifts to us is the “creative excess” that is beyond necessity, beyond survival, beyond utilitarianism. Art is excess in creation given by a playful Creator who always creates. God loves you. He enjoys your company. He plays with you. You show me something about God’s creativity that no one else can. Paradoxically, when you become his child, he makes you more you. Our God “gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist” (Romans 4:17). Namely God creates faith to believe his love for us through his Son: “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us... for if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life” (Romans 5:10). Forgiveness is being deeply known at our worst and deeply loved so that the hurt is excused. Only Jesus can take an enemy and draw her close, wash off her face, and call into existence the belovedness she forsook. Jesus has reconciled you to God. You are safe to go wild and really enjoy yourself. The Lord invented play; he will meet you in it. He will connect you deeply to others through their play and yours.
“Stir up your power, O Lord, and with great might come among us” - BCP Prayer Third Sunday of Advent p. 212
Recommended Reading
